mustard thoughts.

The past couple of days have been so weird. I didn't go to my class yesterday because I was sleepy and I really should have and I'm going to try never to do that again and go to sleep by 12.00 every night.

I just feel so restless!

Hopefully things will get better when I get a job and I'm doing things and feeling accomplished. I really need to start writing.

And I've decided that I'm going to try to lay off Gavin and I'm putting lots of positive thoughts and energy towards finding someone really lovely to spend my time with. I'm going to hang out with Alex this weekend (at least that's the plan), he's a bit stuttery and weird but idk, maybe third times the charm?

Also I'm in love with Freaks and Geeks!! I'm going to watch the last episode tonight and then I'll probably be all depressed. Television that makes me feel like this does is few and far between.

Christopher Brian Falcone Chapman, my favorite curly haired fop in the entire universe, will be home from school in roughly an hour!!!!

Just for the weekend. Haven't seen him since we went to Las Vegas. We are going to party alllllll President's day weekend, celebrating our ~*LoVe*~ and Lincoln, shit like that.

I feel utterly exhausted, so I hope I can pull through. Plus I am absolutely bloody skint i.e. I GOT NO MONIEZ!!!!

Been spending my evenings dressed like a gypsy. My hair is getting ridiculously long and I love it. I think I should cut it in a few months, but I'm not sure what to do with this mane.

Gavin and I are going to get a boat someday and spend summers in Santa Cruz and winter in Maine. I know he and I are a bit disfunctional but why not? I've always been unorthodox and someday I will be very old and glad for what I had with him. If you can't give the people you love another chance, than who can you redeem?

I made that the other day; I'm going to make a better final product and then list them on my Etsy shop. I love wearing my name on my chest out it public, it's a real scream. It's like I'm stepping out of anonymity and declaring myself to the world.

All I've been listening to the past few days is the Pixies and Violent Femmes and Sonic Youth. I can't wait for summer!

I smoked some weed for the first time in a year and a half the other day. It was just one hit out of a bong, but it smelled so good, I couldn't resist. It was very chill and I didn't panic. Just hung out with DJ, Manny, and Rachel and watched Mermaids and ate Burger King.

I'm very happy with myself.

I hate my English class soooooo much! Gavin is causing a whole bunch of ~*drama*~ because I called him out on his bullshit.

I think I'm going to go eat some pesto pizza and like, meditate.

OBAMA!!!!!!1ONE

I didn't get the job :(


FUCK.


Awwww, shit beez. I didn't want to wipe noses anyway. The search continues.

Sooooo, I started classes at the JC on Monday. Right now I'm just taking Art History and English 1A. I love my art history class LUVZ IT, but my English class is terrible; the teacher is really awkward and intimidated by us youths and she uses all these sports analogies, idk.

I'm waiting to hear back about a job working in a YMCA after-school day care type thing, I really hope I get it because I need it and want it. They're supposed to call me today, maybe I'll call them in a few minutes....

Aleesa is coming out here in May and I can't wait! We're going to get an apartment and pay bills and be adults.

Gavin has a facebook now and I call him a lot, especially when I'm drunk and I told him I love him and he's breaking my heart. He's just killing me! I need to meet someone else and make some new friends. There is a cutie in my art history class who knows his shit; I think I should obsess over him and like, make eye contact with him and not break it for a really long time. That would be so attractive and uncreepy. GAME PLAN ON.

I was horribly drunk last night and called Gavin. He hung up on me because I guess I was mean. I called back and was civil and he gave me his email. After we hung up, I wrote him an e-mail; I think it's the most beautiful thing I have ever written.

So I'm sad it ended. But at least I wrote that email.